“Hi, I’m Jess, a Survivor of Chronic Illness and your Host for this Topic Talk.
Let’s talk about the times where grief seeps in.
As it’s usually the quiet time we have to ourselves, in stillness, rather than in busyness that grief seeps in unexpectedly for us to process it and move through it.
Saran, in 1-2 minutes, can you tell us what grief you’ve experienced rise in those quiet moments? Or do you find any other triggers that prompt the healing process other than space or quiet time for you?
“The grief process can whack you at any time, anywhere. I’m not sure anything triggers now 8 years post. However, when I am stressed or have anxiety, or feel fatigued grief can kick in.
I lost a lot physically, and with my kids as well — a physical way of being with my kids. Even just the act of grabbing all their stuff and walking out the door, but there’s no way I can do that now. Or even walk through a door without it hitting me if I’m holding onto something.
But, when it comes to it now…
I used to fight grief and pretend like I wasn’t feeling it. But it didn’t work! It just keeps coming back, and if anything just came back worse. So one of the things I make sure I do now is that I’m conscious of it, I feel it and go with it because I know no matter how far down I go, I know I’ll come up. Whether or not it’s as fast as I want it to be, well, it rarely ever is, but the important thing is coming out of it, and if I want that, I know I have to go with it. And most times I find I come out better for it.”
“So, how do you know when it’s grief that’s coming up for you?”
“A lot of it is that feeling of complete loss. Even though I don’t fight who I was pre-stroke or anything, but I lost a lot of me and I still do grieve for that, but there’s actually so much good that’s come out of it.
Yes, okay, I can’t sort of walk or run or put things in two hands, but I can certainly realise that’s not the be-all and end-all. I think we focus a lot on selfish things — what we have, what we are, who we are. So sometimes it’s difficult to let that go.
But you just have to go with grief — to let go. For me, I do look at the things that I do have, especially when you’re really feeling it and you have to get through the fog. Absolutely, that’s really hard, but you must know you will come out of it.”
“It’s going through that wave and recognising it for what it is. It’s a brave thing, but as a survivor of something so traumatic you learn through that process because it goes through so many phases, it comes back. So thank you so much for sharing that with us Saran!
Now we want to hear from you!
Can you relate to what Saran has said? Are you able to sit with grief in those quiet moments when it seeps in? How do you process that? How do you heal?”